this brightened up my day. how to start a fight

[madmullet]

When our lawn mower broke and wouldn't run, my wife kept hinting to me that I should get it fixed. But, somehow I always had something else

to take care of first, the shed, the boat, making beer. Always something more

important to me. Finally she thought of a clever way to make her point.

When I arrived home one day, I found her seated in the tall grass,

busily snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing scissors. I watched silently

for a short time and then went into the house. I was gone only a minute, and

when I came out again I handed her a toothbrush. I said, "When you

finish cutting the grass, you might as well sweep the driveway."

The doctors say I will walk again, but I will always have a limp.

Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch, and slipped quietly into the garage. I hooked up the boat to the van, and proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour. The wind was blowing 50 mph, so I

pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that

the weather would be bad all day. I went back into the house, quietly

undressed, and slipped back into bed.. I cuddled up to my wife's back,

now with a different anticipation, and whispered, "The weather out there is

terrible."

My loving wife of 5 years replied, "And, can you believe my stupid

husband is out fishing in that?"

And that's how thefight started...

After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for

Social Security.

The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's License to verify

my age.

I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home.

I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and

come back later.

The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'.

So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair.

She said, 'That’s proof enough for me' and she processed my Social Security application..

When I got home, I told my wife about my experience at the Social

Security office...

She said, 'You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten

disability, too.'

And then the fight started...

My wife was standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror.

She was not happy with what she saw and said to me,

"I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly.

I really need you to pay me a compliment.'

I replied, "Your eyesight's damn near perfect."

And then the fight started........

[ellicat]

When I started reading the first one I wondered why you said "my wife" instead of "Ash" :blush: :silly:

[madmullet]

When I started reading the first one I wondered why you said "my wife" instead of "Ash" :blush: :silly:

sssssssshhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

[RyanG45]

ahahaa classic made me laugh thanks for that

[Yoodles82]

Brilliant!

[dansike]

My Ex once asked me "whats on TV"? I said "dust" and then the fight started.

[billythakid]

i asked my wife, "Where do you want to go for our anniversary?" It warmed my heart to see her face melt in sweet appreciation.

"Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she said.

So I suggested, "How about the kitchen?"

And that's when the fight started....

[madmullet]

i asked my wife, "Where do you want to go for our anniversary?" It warmed my heart to see her face melt in sweet appreciation.

"Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she said.

So I suggested, "How about the kitchen?"

And that's when the fight started....

baaaaaaaaaammmmmm

[dansike]

My wife and I were watching "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire" while we were in bed. I turned to her and said, "Do you want to have sex?"

"No," she answered.

I then said, "Is that your final answer?"

She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying, "Yes."

So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."

And then the fight started....

[dansike]

When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her some place expensive... So, I took her to a petrol station.

And then the fight started...

[madmullet]

One year, I decided to buy my mother-in-law a cemetery plot as a

Christmas gift...

The next year, I didn't buy her a gift.

When she asked me why, I replied,

"Well, you still haven't used the gift I bought you last year!"

And that's how the fight started.....

[dansike]

My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary. She said, 'I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3 seconds.'

I bought her a bathroom scale.

And then the fight started...

[straddiebrad]

put a smile on my face,while doing buggar all at work.