stuck between a rock and a hard place(need thorts)

[madmullet]

so this is the story

this is so hard to explain, bare with me please

just after the floods went threw work, one of our guys ( philipino man ) lost his house in the flood ( renting a room ) anyway ash and i took him into our house with open arms for $80 a week so he could save up while trying to get his resadency to live in our beautiful country.

anyway he is having alot of trouble getting resadency hear. 3.5-4 months ago he met a women ( philipeno women ). 1 month approx into the relationship he came to me and asked, kurt!! do you think i should marry her to try and get resadency. i replied, mate, i dont think that is rite but you do what you think is rite.

now last week he came to me and said mate, i am getting married and i want you to be my best man.

i dont mean to sound like an assh##E but these are my thorts

1. he asked whether he should marry her for resadency

2. he hasnt lived with her yet

3. they says that now they are in love after such a short time

4. getting married in mid feb after dating for 4 months

5. scaming the government

now being best man i think involes being by someones side that you love like family, and to stand by them proud to be their cause of why they are getting married.

now i dont have a prob with standing beside someone that is marring for love and devotion. i have done it 4 other times before. but to think i am standing their knowing what going on, i dont know whether i can do it. i do feel he is a part of the family now after 1yr of livng with us, but i am stuck on what to do.

what would you do in this situation.

i hope this doesnt sound bad

[Jords]

Hmm tricky situation mate! Good family friends of ours married after two weeks of dating, 30 years later are still madly in love. But I think thats probably more the exception rather than the rule. That's a tough spot for you to be in for sure!

[Angus]

Mate different sides to this...

First of all will he make a hard working tax paying member of society? If so that's a tick.

Secondly he is phillipino which used to be a Spanish colony. Due to this it is still largely catholic. Culturally speaking short engagements (to get to the marriage bed quicker and POP the seal) plus not living together beforehand may be the norm.

At the end of the day is he a mate or an aqquintance. If the former id back him. If the latter I'd feel to.weird doing it anyway.

Cheers.

Angus.

P.s. johnny petrie (aka webmaster) just asked me to be his best man for his newly announced engagement. Needless to say honored and thrilled. Bucks planning time.

[madmullet]

Mate different sides to this...

First of all will he make a hard working tax paying member of society? If so that's a tick.

Secondly he is phillipino which used to be a Spanish colony. Due to this it is still largely catholic. Culturally speaking short engagements (to get to the marriage bed quicker and POP the seal) plus not living together beforehand may be the norm.

At the end of the day is he a mate or an aqquintance. If the former id back him. If the latter I'd feel to.weird doing it anyway.

Cheers.

Angus.

P.s. johnny petrie (aka webmaster) just asked me to be his best man for his newly announced engagement. Needless to say honored and thrilled. Bucks planning time.

he is a hard worker, and a he is a mate. but very hard situation

[robin]

so this is the story

this is so hard to explain, bare with me please

just after the floods went threw work, one of our guys ( philipino man ) lost his house in the flood ( renting a room ) anyway ash and i took him into our house with open arms for $80 a week so he could save up while trying to get his resadency to live in our beautiful country.

anyway he is having alot of trouble getting resadency hear. 3.5-4 months ago he met a women ( philipeno women ). 1 month approx into the relationship he came to me and asked, kurt!! do you think i should marry her to try and get resadency. i replied, mate, i dont think that is rite but you do what you think is rite.

now last week he came to me and said mate, i am getting married and i want you to be my best man.

i dont mean to sound like an assh##E but these are my thorts

1. he asked whether he should marry her for resadency

2. he hasnt lived with her yet

3. they says that now they are in love after such a short time

4. getting married in mid feb after dating for 4 months

5. scaming the government

now being best man i think involes being by someones side that you love like family, and to stand by them proud to be their cause of why they are getting married.

now i dont have a prob with standing beside someone that is marring for love and devotion. i have done it 4 other times before. but to think i am standing their knowing what going on, i dont know whether i can do it. i do feel he is a part of the family now after 1yr of livng with us, but i am stuck on what to do.

what would you do in this situation.

i hope this doesnt sound bad

Hey Mate, just be carefull with this one ok, there are some people that marry quick because they are in love and im all good and happy for them with that, however marrying someone just to get into the country is something that i don't believe in, I know a indian man with a arranged marriage (dont worry im not being racist) he was ausy cit and she was not even in the country, anyway long story short, he had to get some people to lie to imigration saying that he has been with this girl for over 2 years.

What ever you do , dont lie ok, you being a gun owner have alot to loose, and even if you think no one will find out, is that a chance that you want to take.

Also getting married to someone that you don't know just to get into the country is crazy, you don't know what the girl or guy is like , I married a chinese girl and now we are having our first baby, but i was with her for 5 years before i married her and she was already a pr in her own rite.

He has not lived with her yet, im going to upset some people here, but i believe in living with a person before marrying them , because how else will you know what there living habbits are like.

scaming the government is like taking undersize fish, the more they do it the less benifits that are around for all of us.

[madmullet]

so this is the story

this is so hard to explain, bare with me please

just after the floods went threw work, one of our guys ( philipino man ) lost his house in the flood ( renting a room ) anyway ash and i took him into our house with open arms for $80 a week so he could save up while trying to get his resadency to live in our beautiful country.

anyway he is having alot of trouble getting resadency hear. 3.5-4 months ago he met a women ( philipeno women ). 1 month approx into the relationship he came to me and asked, kurt!! do you think i should marry her to try and get resadency. i replied, mate, i dont think that is rite but you do what you think is rite.

now last week he came to me and said mate, i am getting married and i want you to be my best man.

i dont mean to sound like an assh##E but these are my thorts

1. he asked whether he should marry her for resadency

2. he hasnt lived with her yet

3. they says that now they are in love after such a short time

4. getting married in mid feb after dating for 4 months

5. scaming the government

now being best man i think involes being by someones side that you love like family, and to stand by them proud to be their cause of why they are getting married.

now i dont have a prob with standing beside someone that is marring for love and devotion. i have done it 4 other times before. but to think i am standing their knowing what going on, i dont know whether i can do it. i do feel he is a part of the family now after 1yr of livng with us, but i am stuck on what to do.

what would you do in this situation.

i hope this doesnt sound bad

Hey Mate, just be carefull with this one ok, there are some people that marry quick because they are in love and im all good and happy for them with that, however marrying someone just to get into the country is something that i don't believe in, I know a indian man with a arranged marriage (dont worry im not being racist) he was ausy cit and she was not even in the country, anyway long story short, he had to get some people to lie to imigration saying that he has been with this girl for over 2 years.

What ever you do , dont lie ok, you being a gun owner have alot to loose, and even if you think no one will find out, is that a chance that you want to take.

Also getting married to someone that you don't know just to get into the country is crazy, you don't know what the girl or guy is like , I married a chinese girl and now we are having our first baby, but i was with her for 5 years before i married her and she was already a pr in her own rite.

He has not lived with her yet, im going to upset some people here, but i believe in living with a person before marrying them , because how else will you know what there living habbits are like.

scaming the government is like taking undersize fish, the more they do it the less benifits that are around for all of us.

now this has opened up a whole new bag of worms

[shortie]

I say if the are allowing Gay marriage, let anyone marry.

Is marriage for ever these days anyway.

Go for it be his best man.

[Gad]

Kurt, do what you would normally do in any situation,talk to the guy,smoothly express your feelings, and finish with I would be happy to come along as a guest if the offer and friendship is still there.

That way the ball is in his court and you have appeased your doubts.

I had a family friend invite our family to her 3rd marriage last year,I explained to her that I would give this one a miss as I had already witnessed 2 previous commitments of love,and I was only setting a precedent for if there was a number 4.

We`re still friends

[rayke1938]

He will marry her even if you are not best man.

You have already taken him into your home and obviously he looks up to you.

I take my hat off to anyone who migrates to a new land and has to observe a new language,customs and culture.

Go for it and be honored that he has asked you.

Cheers

Ray

[crazywalrus]

only you can make this decision. The conversation you had with him a few months ago may not be relevant anymore. They may be in love. Different cultures marry for different reason and circumstance. Some are complete strangers but remain married and have a life together.

If he is a hard worker than at least he is not going to be a burden on our society and be a tax payer.

Where you need to be sure is when he goes for PR. He will need people to sign and write State Declarations regarding their relationship. I was asked to sign a State Declaration regarding a brother inlaws relationship. I refused to do it as I knew they where close to splitting. This is where you can become unstuck.

[Gary_C]

Mate, I won't even weigh in on the whole PR thing because I'm still trying to figure out a way to get PR myself.

As far as his request to being his best man, I think my biggest criteria (considering he has been living with you for a year and you are close to him) is how close are you to his fiancee? Have you met her? Does she rate?

I have been the best man at 1 wedding, it was my best friend's and we had been roommates for almost 2 years. I knew his fiancee well enough to consider her a friend as well; but she always knew that I'd side with him in any situation. For us all, my being best man was me "blessing" their marriage.

I accepted being an usher at my own brother's wedding because I could not bless the marriage so would not be the best man.

Go with your gut.

[Manni79]

If you regard him as a mate then stand by him.

Think from his perspective, you put a roof over his head and supported him

Through a tough time, I'm sure he would be honored to have u as his best man

[fishingnut]

Do what ever you think is right, but what ever you do promise you wont teach him to spell!

[dhess]

Go for it. Sounds legit enough to me.

Even if its a scam, if he he is hard working and wan't to make a fair go of it he is better than many people out there.

[mick fillet]

thats a tough call how big is her boat

[Bi_polar]

It's a hard decision to make Kurt but Marrage is a great institution and i have been married for 20 years this year to the most amazing woman.

But if he has informed you of his intentions to marry her just to get residency then that makes it even harder.

If in between the time he told you he wanted to marry her to get residency...and the time he asked you to be his best man they have truely fallen in love then i say go for it, but if he is still only marrying her to get residency then you might actually be aiding a federal offence.

At the end of the day it's up to you and i am sure you will make the right decision.

Have you got to meet his partener?

Have you asked him does he really love her?

Good luck mate.

[madmullet]

Well to answer some questions, no i have never met her. I have never witnessed what their relationship is like.

I understand him asking me cause of everything we have done for him.

She lives in caboolture and he sees her on weekends.

So what i will do now is sit him down and have a heart to heart with him.

From your messages i will at this stage be a best man

And FISHINGNUT, lol i wont teach him how to spell. L.a.f

[Bi_polar]

Congratulations Kurt

[ellicat]

Men on a fishing forum should not be using the word 'love' unless it's about fishing. It kinda makes me wanna puke :sick:

[pancakes_and_haggis]

Ellicat you never cease to amuse !!

[freedomhawk12]

Agreed

[madmullet]

Men on a fishing forum should not be using the word 'love' unless it's about fishing. It kinda makes me wanna puke :sick:

awwww, come on mate, whats wronge with LOVE, LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE, :silly: :silly:

may the LOVE, i mean force be with you